From Scratch (Ep. 69 - nice)
I Choose You and Week 69 Updates
I Choose You
Who remembers the iconic line from Pokemon when Ash says, “Pikachu, I choose you!” before sending his best friend into battle?
What if I told you that you could do the same? Except you’re choosing a different version of yourself.
Yesterday was an interesting experience.
Although nothing really dramatically changed or happened, I was struck by a very deep feeling of lack.
I just felt separated from everything I’ve been working on. I found myself longing for things rather than feeling motivated.
Every little thing not going my way started to build annoyance in my body, which amplified all the negative feelings.
I guess it was just one of those days. However, I was still able to be aware and observe what was happening while experiencing these sucky feelings.
At one point I was like, “Damn. Nothing is going wrong, but why do I feel this way?”
When I was in this state, the recurring negative thoughts started playing over and over in my head like a movie on repeat. These are thoughts that I’ve been trying to get rid of.
Again, not sure why I was feeling this way. But I accepted it because it’s okay.
Part of being human I guess.
I still got what I needed to get done, but sometimes I just had to pause. Close my eyes and stay still for a bit before continuing.
In the past, I’d just let it be and just hope for a better day tomorrow. But sometimes those feelings can linger for weeks. I know because I went through it.
So before bed, I was pretty fed up with feeling this way so I made an intention in my mind.
I replayed all the thoughts that I didn’t want to think anymore. All the emotions I didn’t want to feel anymore.
Then I thought about all the thoughts I wanted to think. All the feelings I wanted to feel.
This morning, I could sense those negative thoughts looming over me. Waiting to be let inside my mind like crazed shoppers storming into Target on Black Friday.
So I stopped myself and did the same exercise as last night.
Reminded myself of all the thoughts and feelings I wanted to get rid of. And imagined all the thoughts and feelings I do want to experience for the day.
When I opened my eyes, I felt those good vibes. And my goal was to keep that feeling locked in for the rest of the day.
One of the common themes among Stoic philosophers is the concept of controlling your attitude.
You can choose how you feel about certain things or events. One of my clients repeats this message all the time.
I just never knew what to do besides reframing it in my head and being positive.
So I understand if you don’t feel anything when you try to reframe a poor experience into a good one.
I think this is one of those things where it’s simple in theory, but takes practice to be good at.
I literally didn’t know what gratitude really felt like for the first 2 months of trying the practice. But persistence finally unlocked it for me.
So that’s probably why this experience of changing my attitude came a bit faster than I expected. All the work I did before was already there.
And I think the key is generating the feelings you want to feel.
I look back at how my mornings used to be before I started doing any of this.
I’d wake up, hit the snooze button, and check my phone. Read any texts, social media, or emails.
Start thinking about all the problems I have. Wondering about the future.
I was purposely putting myself into a bad state for the rest of the day and the only thing that would change that is if something good happened to me.
If nothing happened, I’d just have to use willpower to get through the day.
I did that every single day for over a year. I hardwired that program into my mind.
Now I get up (still sometimes hitting snooze), but I don’t check any texts, emails, or social media.
And even then, like yesterday, I can still get infected by negative feelings and thoughts.
But now I know I can change that too. I can choose a different version of myself for battle like Pokemon.
Of course, it takes energy and awareness to maintain the state. It’s actually quite draining for me. But it’s probably because I’m not very good at this yet.
It is a skill that takes practice.
Socrates famously said, “A life unexamined is not worth living.” I heard that quote years ago and didn’t understand.
But with all the work I’ve done internally for the past 6 months, it’s starting to click.
Can’t wait to see what happens in the next 6 months.
Week 69 P4P Updates
The holidays are approaching once again. Things are starting to slow down again.
But I’m still chipping away, having conversations, and getting things done.
2,654 (+8) = 2,662
Two of my clients were sidelined last week. One by cold, the other by surgery. So we didn’t get to publish 2 newsletters.
But that’s okay, we’re back on track. Can’t control that.
I’ve also been putting these newsletters on Medium, and I generated $0.34, that’s pretty cool I guess, haha.
Keep moving, that’s all we can do.
Trust the process, love the process.
Kevin