For The Wandering Soul
Normalize the acceptance of uncertainty.
It’s okay to admit you don’t have all the answers, don’t know what you want, or don’t know what to do. To be honest, no one does and they’re all pretending.
We’re all navigating uncharted waters with imperfect maps.
In fact, I think by being honest about this, the Universe will paradoxically unveil what you’re searching for when you least expect it.
There are 3 terms in Japanese I’ve recently learned about:
Honne: Your true feelings or desires
Tatemae: The facade or public face you show to conform to expectations
Wa: Harmony (group consensus)
“Wa” is the foundation of Japanese culture. By sacrificing your individual feelings or desires (Honne) and playing your role (Tatemae), you support group cohesion/harmony (Wa).
This is the Japanese way of establishing peace and consistency. A couple of weeks ago, I talked about how this “perfect” feeling and look to Japan comes at a cost. Now I understand the terms and meaning behind it.
But this doesn’t only exist in Japan, it exists everywhere. It may not be as strongly enforced as it is in Japan, but it’s there. An invisible fog that creates blindspots outside of the “expected path”.
At the end of the day, it’s an illusion. A shimmering mirage on the horizon that vanishes as you get closer and closer.
Most expectations didn’t originate from within you, but rather something projected onto you from others. You’ve just accepted subconsciously without knowing.
A friend that I met while in Japan told me there’s this cultural thing that if a Chinese person buys alcohol to share, you’re expected to partake.
Well, that causes you to drink sake while eating a raw seafood breakfast at 10 in the morning.
And the next thing you know, he’s vomiting in my hotel room toilet. But he described to me this “cultural guilt” that was expected of him.
I’m being facetious, so let’s look at my example.
What are the expectations of a typical 33 year old?
I’m supposed to have a college degree, a stable job, save for retirement, have my own car, have my own place, start my own family, and know what I want in life.
Well… I have a college degree(s).
My car has been broken down for months. The money I planned on spending for a new car, I invested into a 30 day trip to Japan instead.
I’m still living at home. Single. I probably have a few bucks in a Roth IRA I started back in college.
And I have no idea what I want to do right now.
I’m a wandering soul.
Despite everyone’s “Wa”, I know that it’s okay. But even then, this is difficult for me to write and reflect on because I realize I’m still greatly affected by this illusion. These expectation chains are made of smoke, but at this point, still feel like real steel.
Admitting these things into the open is causing comparison and generating a cocktail of negative emotions. Guilt, embarrassment, failure, anxiety, stress etc.
And worst of all – unhappiness.
But I’m the one causing that to myself because I’m deriving the meaning from the expectations. And honestly, it’s difficult to let go of.
By writing about it, I know I’m collapsing the wave on these feelings and taking power away from it. And it’s reminding me to see it for what it really is… the essence of it all… an illusion.
Everyone has their own journey and desires.
I may not know exactly what I’m gonna do but I have an idea of a lifestyle design I hope to accomplish.
How to get there? Not sure.
And that is okay. This is the most important aspect of this.
I know this phase will pass and these feelings are temporary.
This is not to say that it’s okay to cruise through life and live as a wandering soul forever. I mean if that’s what you want to do, sure.
This is more about getting the most out of your life. Designing your life for experience maximization, whatever that looks like for you.
I met a girl in Japan, a fellow solo traveler. She’s a teacher from San Francisco so she uses her summer vacations to travel to new countries.
She’s my age and has been to 34 countries already. As far as I’m concerned, she’s lived through lifetimes of experiences in one.
Traveling to that many countries isn’t exactly my vibe but that’s okay because we’re both trying to get maximum enjoyment out of our experiences.
I do know that I want adventure in my life for as long as I can enjoy it. And I know I’ll probably continue writing until my last breath.
How do those two things intertwine and help me architect the end goal? Still unclear, work in progress.
And that’s okay.
Some sacrifices need to be made to get there. Of course, that’s only natural. As long as it’s for the greater good of progressing in the right direction rather than creating a perception.
But at the end of the day…
I’d rather live my dream reality, no matter how long it takes to get there (hopefully sooner than later) than exist in someone else’s.
Living vs. existing. You can direct and script your own movie or be the supporting actor.